Dory and Marlin's Wedding
by melkorjustneedsahug
Summary: All Marlin's wants is a small quiet wedding. But he gets the exact opposite. Watch Crush find a genie, Gill reveal his true indentity and chaos ensues! Rated for language.


A/N: I just wrote it at lunch period because I was bored. So please excuse the fic if its horribly retarded and makes no sense and is poorly written. It cheered me up, and I found it funny, so it may cheer you up too. Or it may not. And you may find it funny as well. Or you may not. Anyways: Read at ones own risk.

Disclaimer: I own Disney and Pixar... In my dreams.

All Marlin really wanted was a nice, small quiet wedding. But unfortunately for him practically the whole ocean and a little bit more was there. Marlin felt like an idiot; the entire sea was here to watch his big fat Greek interspecies wedding.

Marlin was acting nervous, and Dory was being walked down the aisle by Bruce.

"Where are we?" Dory asked.

"We're at a wedding." said Bruce.

"Oh! I always wanted to go to a wedding!"

"Dory… It's your wedding. You're getting married."

"Oh my gosh! I'm getting married! I have to get ready and get a cake and a dress and-"

Bruce grabbed Dory and brought her face to face with Marlin, which gave her a memory check.

"We're getting married!" said Dory, clapping her fins together.

"Yes, I know." Marlin said softly, "I just wish there weren't so many fish around here."

"Frodo makes such a good ringbearer."

"Nemo." Marlin corrected.

Mr. Ray, or Reverend Ray, was beginning to start the ceremony.

"We are gathered here today, which is Sunday July 21'st 2007, to watch the approved bonding of two legible fish of legal age. Normally they would be of the same species, but they are not. So today class we are witnessing an Interspecies Marriage."

Everyone "oohs" and "ahhs" while Marlin looked pissed off.

Reverend Ray continued, "Interspecies marriages are very rare, normally because of the problems in sexual activity."

Marlin looked horrified and Dory, innocently interested.

"The semen of the clownfish may not be able to fertilize the eggs of the regal blue tang. And even if so, who knows what their offspring would look like. Perhaps Mr. Marlin could give us some information on interspecies fish sex."

Marlin looked around for some escape from this embarrassing question. _God please help me_, Marlin thought. God was feeling nice today so he decided to help Marlin, by sending a speck. A speck from heaven!

"A speck!" Reverend Ray shouted and swam over to it and started mumbling things no one understood.

Marlin put his face in his fins, "This is the worst wedding ever!"

Dory patted her fiancé softly, "Its alright, it'll be ok, you'll see."

"No it won't."

"Sure it will," Dory said comforting him, "Come on, it can't get any worse."

But Dory spoke to soon, for at that moment the infamous Spidercrab showed up.

"I'm looking for Green Goblin so I can kick his ass." Spidercrab said.

Gill shuffled nervously, while Nemo went over to Spidercrab.

"Mr. Spidercrab," Nemo said cutely, "There is no Green Goblin here, maybe you made a mistake."

"Actually Nemo, there is." Gill said, "I have a confession to make… I am Green Goblin."

The Wedding Guests gasped.

"Well then, I must kill you!" Spidercrab said.

Gill put on his green Goblin mask and began to throw little orange pumpkins that were actually bombs. Spidercrab shot web and shit at him. Eventually Spidercrab grabbed a sharp piece of coral and stabbed Gill.

"Father!" yelled Harry, Gill's son (in fish format) that appeared from nowhere, "You killed him you bastard!" he said to Spidercrab.

Harry swam off to some deserted place. He wept and whined for a while until he heard crazy demented laughter.

"What the fuck!" Harry said.

He swam over to a piece to glass that some stupid human that didn't care about the environment discarded. When he looked into the glass he didn't see his reflection, he saw his father.

"Dad, you're supposed to be dead!"

"No Harry, I live in you."

Then random music starts:

He lives in you _aya sanamaywaya_

He lives in me _aya sanamaywaya_

He watches over, everything we see _aya sanamaywaya_

Into the water, into the truth _aya sanamaywaya_

In your reflection, he lives in you

"You have forgotten me."

"No, never." Harry protested.

"You have forgotten who you are, so you have forgotten me."

"I can't go back. I'm not who I used to be."

"You are my son Harry, and the one true king, remember who you are."

Gill begins to fade.

"No! Father, please don't leave me!"

"Remember…"

"Don't leave me!"

Meanwhile back at the wedding…

Nemo ran over to Gill, and threw himself on his lifeless body, crying.

"Please don't leave me." Nemo said, "I love you."

Lumiere, Cogsworth and Mrs.Potts, who had randomly appeared from nowhere, looked sadly at the rose as its last petal fell.

Then special magical sparkly things started flying around, Gill went all glowing and then he got turned into a clownfish.

Nemo went over to Gill; he moved his fin across his face.

"It is you!" Nemo exclaimed. Then they kissed and more sparkly things appeared!

"Yay!" Dory said happily, "Does this mean there is going to be two weddings?"

Marlin just whacked his head on the alter, "My life is so retarded."

"Eh, let's find out who this little chum is, eh Bruce." said Anchor, looking at Spidercrab.

"Oh, all right then." Bruce said and went over to Spidercrab and took off his mask to reveal… Sebastian!

"Hey man, whadda do that for?" Sebastian said.

"You're Jamaican mate?" Chum asked.

"Yes man," the crab said and then started singing, "Under da sea! Under da sea! Darling its better down where its wetter, take it from me!"

Then Mary Jane (in crab format) hooked on to Sebastian's arm and they walked off into the sunset together. Ariel got jealous so she took MJ and gave her to Eric and Eric ate her. Sebastian and Ariel got back together until King Triton found out and kicked his crab ass.

Meanwhile at the wedding…

A lamp randomly dropped into the middle of the wedding. Most likely because of more ignorant stupid humans.

Crush came over and rubbed the lamp because he was kinky. But his kinkiness paid off, for there was a genie in that lamp.

"Hey you're not Al." the genie said, "Oh well, what are your three wishes?"

Marlin thought, he was going to have to choose very carefully.

As for the ignorant humans, Aladdin and Jasmine were flying above the sea on carpet.

"Isn't this great Jasmine? The fresh air, ocean breeze?"

"I want to go home to our desert in Iraq where President Bush has invaded and is tormenting my kingdom." whined Jasmine.

"You're such a grump… But if you really want to go home and get bombed, I'll get genie to take you." Aladdin searched in his pocket for the lamp.

"Shit!"

"What?" Jasmine asked.

"I lost the lamp."

"You fucktard!"

Meanwhile over at the wedding…

Marlin had decided on the perfect wish, "I wish for-"

"Whoa, hold on there." Genie said, "It's the turtle dude who rubbed the lamp, so he shall be making the wishes."

Marlin looked like his dreams had been crushed. Dory gave him a hug and a kiss.

"Well dude," Crush said, "I totally wish for…a cake."

A cake appeared.

"Oh, and like- Wax! Gotta keep the shell in mint condition, dude."

Wax appeared.

"And um…" Crush thought for a moment, "A stereo!"

A stereo appeared and instantly broke once it came in contact with water.

"Well, gotta get back to Al, nice meeting ya." Genie said and poofed back to his human friends.

Marlin trembled with rage.

"Marlin…" Dory said nervously, "Calm down, sweetie."

"Those were the worst wishes ever!" Marlin screamed.

"Whoa, chill jellyman." Crush said.

"You could have wished for something half decent; like world peace!" Marlin shouted.

Marlin began to swim towards Crush.

"I'm going to kill him!" yelled Marlin.

Chum, Anchor and Bruce shouted to Dory, "Intervention!"

Dory, listening to her fellow Fish Eater Anonymous members, intervened. By grabbing Marlin and kissing him passionately for about five minutes. She let go of the clownfish's mouth, they both gasped for-err- Water? Oxygen?

"I feel-" Marlin said through short breathes, "much better- now."

"Yeah, that normally works." Dory said smirking.

Then just when things started to get good, a dark shadow of a ship covered the wedding, as _Pirates of the Caribbean _theme music played.

Crush and the turtles went to see who it was, and they looked on the ship and saw Captain Barbossa, Jack Sparrow, Gibbs, Elizabeth and William Turner.

"Eh mate, there's one of them sea turtles I used to escape the island! Come back to visit old Jack have you?" Jack exclaimed, Gibbs came over to take a peek.

"Aye, sea turtles." Gibbs said.

Crush decided to be nice and waved to Jack.

"Look!" Jack said, "He remembers me!" Jack waved happily back to Crush.

"No." Barbossa said.

"Why did you become a pirate?" Elizabeth asked Jack, in her usual snotty tone.

"Well, father demanded I give up the chocolate business, him being a dentist, so after I gave the chocolate factory to Charlie I got a more…active… occupation."

"Chocolate? Charlie? Father?" Will said stupidly, "A diversion!"

"No diversion William," Jack said, "My father was a dentist, although he had two other part time jobs. Sometimes he went around with a red glowing stick killing Jedi; other times he went around being a White Wizard. I met another nice wizard he used to work with, not white but grey, we had him over for tea once. He had magnet powers…"

"Your father tried to kill my friend's steward's wife's brother's kingdom! And he murdered my close friend mercilessly!" Will yelled.

"It's a tough world. Savvy." Jack replied.

Then randomly out of nowhere, Snow White appeared, "I'm lost, can you help me?" she asked the newf captain.

"Would you like a tambourine? I sell the best tambourines in this here ocean!" Barbossa exclaimed.

"Um, No thanks." Snow White said.

"Hey, I'd like one of those!" Esmeralda said, "Quasi broke mine when he was pretending to be a horse, poor retard."

"Here ya go." Barbossa said, giving the tambourine to Esmeralda, who swam away to Paris.

"Then how would you like this apple?" Barbossa asked Snow White, pulling out the same apple he was going to give Elizabeth.

"Oh, I like apples." Snow White said, taking a bite. A second later she fell dead to the floor.

"It WAS poisoned!" Elizabeth yelled.

"No." Captain Barbossa said.

Then the seven dwarves came and jumped on the Black Pearl from their little Viking Ship.

"Snow White!" said Happy.

"She's taking a -yawn-nap." said Sleepy.

"No, she's-achew-dead." Sneezy said.

Bashful blushed, "Aw shucks. Who killed her?"

Dopey pointed to Barbossa.

"What are you and who are you doing?" Doc asked, "I mean; who are you and what are you doing?"

"Aye, sea turtles." Gibbs said.

"No." said Barbossa.

"We'll kill him dead!" Grumpy said, and lead an attack on Barbossa, and pushed him overboard. They took Snow White and sailed away on their Viking Ship.

"That's interesting." Jack said.

"Where did you find out about the gold, Jack?" Elizabeth asked, snottier than usual.

"What? The Aztec gold?" Jack replied, "Oh that bonnie lass Esmeralda's boyfriend, Phoebus (aka. Tulio) and his best friend Miguel told me about it."

Flashback

Miguel and Tulio were performing their little 'gods' speech.

"Miguel and Tulio, Tulio and Miguel. Mighty and powerful-"

"Phoebus!" Esmeralda cut in, with Jack at her side.

"Whose he?" Tulio/Phoebus asked.

"Jack Sparrow." explained Esmeralda, "He wants to know where to find the gold."

"Should we tell him Tulio?" Miguel asked.

Tulio loved gold, but he also loved Esmeralda, he chose the most important to him, "No."

"What!" Esmeralda screamed, "You give him the gold or I'll-I'll-" Esmeralda whispered something in Tulio's ear.

"Alright!" Tulio yelled, giving Jack the map, "No need to go so drastic."

Jack left with map, happily.

"I know its none of my business, but what did you get in return Esmeralda?" Miguel asked.

"His first mate, Barbossa, sells tambourines! I get a 75 discount off of every purchase!" she said gleefully.

Tulio slapped himself.

End of Flashback

"Aye, sea turtles." said Gibbs, looking at Crush.

Crush, who was royally creeped out by now, swam back to the wedding with the other turtles.

Surprisingly, they came back to a smoothly running wedding. Reverend Ray had left the speck and was continuing the ceremony and the wedding guests were all hushed. The turtles swam into their places and watched the rest of the wedding.

"Do you Dory; take this fish Marlin to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Reverend Ray said.

"Um..." Dory looked around nervously. She whispered to Nemo next to her, "What's my line again?"

"I do." Nemo whispered back.

"I do." Dory said.

"Do you Marlin; take Dory to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Reverend Ray said.

Marlin looked lovely at Dory and smiled, "I do."

"Then I now pronounce you fish and wife! You may kiss the bride!"

Marlin leaned towards Dory and pressed their lips to together in a sweet kiss.

At least the wedding had a happy ending…


End file.
